Are you stuck in a dead end job so boring that you spend all day at work surfing the web reading witty political commentary? Are you tired of investments that depend on unreliable “market forces” for their returns? Haven’t you always dreamed of a way to make money that was as automatic as the creeping bureaucracy that afflicts our nation’s cash flow like fiscal atherosclerosis?

Well dream no more, friend, because today I am going to let you in on one of the great secrets of American business (and the mainstream media): The Harry Reid Do-Nothing Miracle Investment System! Through this system, you can sit back and watch the cash roll in from questionable desert real estate investments with the sort of reliability that only government can provide. The system is as simple as it is hidden through shell corporations, nepotism and political contributions. Yes, there are just three easy steps to mogul-like millions in Las Vegas real estate:

1. Find a parcel of land made undesirable by government environmental regulation, utility leases, or simple pesky zoning!

2. Hire a Reid, invest with a Reid, contribute to a Reid, but above all, know a Reid!

3. Be patient while Sen. Harry “Papa” Reid does NOTHING UNUSUAL on your behalfand watch those government barriers to wealth melt away!